A Day In The Life

A day in the life of our beloved leader.  This is President Barack Obama's schedule every day of the year, Sunday through Saturday -


8:00 a.m. - Check in with my PR Department at the New York Times and the Networks and tell them to step up the propaganda and invent more denigrating bullshit, better yet some criminal charges, against my opponents and their supporters.

8:15 a.m. - Call up Genachowski at the FCC and tell him to step up the effort to get Limbaugh and Hannity off the air.

8:30 a.m. - Press Conference.  Remember to -
1. Blame Bush for something bad that happened.
2. Take credit for something good that happened.

9:30 a.m. - Give campaign speech to impressionable college students who think I'm a rock star.  Make sure to include:
1. Slandering of Republicans and the Supreme Court.
2. Promise to give free health care, abortions, birth control, food, and money for all other necessities such as big screen HD TV's, iPhones, bling, tats and recreational drugs of their choice to everyone who votes for me.  Oh, yeah, and also student loans they don't have to pay back.
3. Lie about how much these freebies will cost and say we can pay for it by taking money from the rich.

11:30 a.m. - Ride on Air Force One.

1:00 p.m. - Play golf.

4:30 p.m. - Touch base with my homies Dmitri, Vlad, Cristina and Hugo.  If Hugo croaks before I make the call, check with the other three to pick a suitable successor.  Remind them all I will have more flexibility after my next election.

4:45 p.m. - Call Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright and tell them to say something outrageous about the unfairness and greed of America and capitalism.

5:00 p.m. - Call Eric at the Justice Department and have him locate something that occurred somewhere in the country and have our inhouse PR people blow it up into a hate crime that demands justice for whichever side is the minority - doesn't matter which was the perp and which was the victim.  If both are minorities, prosecute the one that is the lightest color.

5:15 p.m. - Tell Jack (Jack Lew, Chief of Staff) to spend whatever it takes to keep Michelle and the kids on vacation.

7:30 p.m. - Party with my entourage.  Invite some Wall Street and union backers.